The Feeling of Numinous

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It may seem like I am only gone for a year and I am only a quick 2 hour ride from home but it seems a lot more different and bigger than that. Its saying goodbye to friends, its knowing that you won’t have those people you have been through hell and back just a car ride away and its knowing that your absolutely 100% free.

365 days ago I would not have imagined that I would be where I am today. I had no idea what I was wanting to do with my life and was coming out of an unhealthy relationship where I was very focused on the present, but not realizing I should of been concentrating on myself. Always wrapping myself up on how others thought of me rather than creating my own vision. This year has taught me so much about myself, my friends, my loved ones and the world around me. There are few people who I will stay in touch with once I leave, but those who I will keep in contact with will be the ones who I know will stick with me through thick and thin. Knowing that we could go a couple months with no talking and then as soon as we chat everything flows back into place and its like we never spent that time apart.

Being proud of who I am is probably one of the biggest compliments I can give myself. ┬áSometimes they say hitting rock bottom helps you reach the top. Realizing there is no concealer that will cover up my past and that I need just need to accept it. I am ready for bigger and better things. I have been waiting for this day for what seems like years (and it probably has been). But see, this year was much needed. To gather thoughts, to find me, to be me, and to experience me. And its weird because a lot of people say they are happy to leave highschool. Yet I am stuck in this weird state where I am overjoyed with the thought of moving to a new city, and how I will miss my passion and dedication towards the hobbies I loved in school. Being told multiple times in the past year that I was a role model or someone that I inspired an action of positive doing leaves me in awe. I would have never thought that I had an impact on people. Its an outlandish way to see ourselves as that sometimes, like really I AM A ROLE MODEL? LOL WUT… I am ever so thankful that people think this about me. And as I sit in a war-torn room that now only consists of a bed and dresser and how I am literally packing up my life and moving it all onto new things. Its inspiring to see that maybe one of us will be the next Mia Farrow or Nelson Mandela or one who will create a change in government. Its crazy to think we are all heading somewhere, we are all on a path. Life is happening and its a little overwhelming but sometimes we just need to leap and just let life take you by the hands and lead you to where you need to be led to.

This post was inspired by this short film:

And this song:

xoxo,
Britt

 

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